My Perfectly Imperfect Life

*Just some ramblings about what's going on inside my head. Mother. Sister. Best Friend. Widow. These are words that describe me. They are labels that go hand in hand with my name, but I don't like titles. I am a mother, yes, one hell of one. I am a sister-the best. I am a best friend and do an awesome job at it. Widow-this one really gets me. Technically I am a widow, however, I don't want that title to consume my existence. Yes, my husband died; however, his spirit still lives in my heart. I will forever love Josh and all the silly things we did-his stupid penguin walk, his deep southern draw, his compassion and intimacy he showed. Although I will never see him again in physical form, I know I see him in spiritual. He visits me, tells me he's ok and that he wants me to be happy. So that my friends, is what I'll do. I'll do what it takes to be happy. I'll love my children and always put them first. I will make sure they are taken care of, because that make...

It's been a long while since I last blogged. Many people are assuming things about me, so I want to share with you what is going on in my life.  I miss my husband dearly. I love him and always will. I am mourning not only the loss of my spouse, but I am mourning my bestest best friend. He was the peanut butter to my jelly. I put on what is known as the 'Grief Mask". This mask shows everyone that I am doing OK, that I am happy again. Let me make something clear, I'm NOT OK 100% of the time, not even 50% of the time, but I put on a face, and fake it. My heart still hurts, 9 1/2 months later as it did on March 27, 2014. I stay busy with kids, animals, school, working on the foundation, Phi Beta Lambda and now Student Counsel to where I can't take a moment to remember that he will never come back. It kills me to see my children grieve and mourn. They are so young and innocent that they shouldn't have to endure this pain, but they do. It's not fair; but it...